According to our mini poll on our Facebook page, many of you are struggling with making guestlist decisions! It can be a bit of a minefield trying to decide who and how many to invite and where to sit them, especially if you have added pressure from your family insisting that your great-auntie-twice-removed (and her twelve children AND her dog) simply MUST be included in the wedding party…
So, what’s the best way to organise your guestlist and make everyone happy?
Well, first rule of guestlist compilation is that you’re never going to please everyone, and you have to draw the line somewhere, so be prepared for putting a few noses out of joint. However, if you approach it in the right way, you might be able to avoid all-out family war!
Guestlist Fundamentals
Your main points to consider are:
- Budget - When it comes down to it, you can only invite as many people as you can afford. Don’t be pressured into inviting more – stick to your guns and simply tell any determined extras that there’s just not enough money to accommodate everyone. Budgetary considerations include: space at the reception and venue, food, cake, drink and favours.
- Venue - Your venue will give you a maximum number that they can accommodate, so let that be your strict guide (and an excuse when you’d rather not invite certain people!). It might seem obvious but please finalise arrangements with your venue BEFORE you decide on your guestlist! Now there’s the option of inviting a small crowd to the actual wedding ceremony itself, and then an extended group of guests to the reception. You’ll still have people who are offended they can’t come to both, but at least you can invite everyone this way.
- Equality - This one’s a doozy. Do you invite all your colleagues, or just a few close ones? Do you invite your cousins, but not your partner’s? How do you make your guestlist fair? If you have similar sized families and groups of friends, then it’s best to split your guestlist equally between you and your partner. If one of you has more family than the other, then you may need a more unbalanced split, but keep the fundamentals the same. Start with your immediate families and work outwards: Parents, siblings, grandparents, significant aunts/uncles/cousins and close friends. Then choose carefully from the remaining spaces. Some people like to split the available spaces between the bride, groom and their parents, so that your family get their own say on who comes (and on their head be it if that great-aunt doesn’t get an invite!). Don’t feel because someone invited you to their wedding that they have to come to yours – when it comes down to it, you need to invite who you really want to share your day with.
- Conflict - Every family has ‘em – members who just can’t get along. Perhaps your parents are separated and your mum can’t stand your step-mum. Maybe you have siblings who can’t help getting into an argument whenever they’re together. An uncle who thinks he’s Michael Jackson when he’s had a few too many? There’s no easy answer to these issues, but try your best to keep your cool, gently remind people that this is a special day for you and your partner and you’d prefer if there wasn’t any drama.
With those things in mind, let’s start from the beginning. Before you announce your engagement beyond your immediate family, make sure you know what size wedding you’re going to have. If you start telling all and sundry about your wedding before you’ve decided on how many people can actually come, you might have some embarrassing moments ahead, explaining that actually, no, we can’t invite you, you and you…
Tips and Tricks
So, you’ve booked your venue, started looking for your perfect wedding dress, you have a general idea of who you want to come – what next?
- Save-the-date - Send out save-the-date notes, either via email or post, detailing the date and location of your wedding. This helps people book time off/flights/accommodation if necessary, and helps you to know early on if people are likely to come or not.
- Make a Spreadsheet - Yes, highly geeky, we know, but it really will help. Divide it up into sections for guests invited by you, your partner and your families if appropriate, and note down names, addresses, contact numbers and each guest’s response. Later you can add in their meal preferences and accommodation details if necessary. A colourcoded spreadsheet will make it really easy to see if you have any extra spaces, and help you keep on top of RSVPs.
- Have a Backup Plan - It’s safe to assume that up to 10% of your guestlist won’t be able to attend, so have a list of people in reserve that you can add to the invitation list. When you get your invites printed, get some extras with blank spaces for adding names to, that you can send out to your ‘B’ list. It’s also a good idea to order one or two extra meals on the day, in case you have some very late arrivals who never replied!
- Be Specific - If each invitation includes a ‘plus-one’, make sure that’s clear. If you’re only inviting the person named on the invite, make sure that’s clear! If you don’t want children at the wedding, make sure that’s clear! If you’re inviting some people to the reception only, make sure that’s clear! Is that clear?
- Cut the Crowd - Ok, so we always end up with a few people at our wedding who we’ve never even met, but when organising your guest list, there are a few tips to try to avoid an entire crowd of strangers! If one or both of you don’t know the guest personally, then put them on the ‘maybe’ list. If you’re short on space, think about cutting the ‘and guest’ part of your invitation. If certain family and friends live a significant distance away, keep them in reserve – they may not want to travel all that way anyway. Adhere to the all-or-nothing rule – if you can’t decide between colleagues, or old school friends and don’t want to offend anyone, either invite them all, or none of them.
And finally…
Try to enjoy it! Planning your wedding should be exciting, after all! Spend an evening with your partner, get some tasty food in, a nice glass of wine and brainstorm your list. You’ll find that the first 30-50 names you put down are your nearest and dearest, so as long as you’ve included all of them, you should be happy. If you’re getting grief from pushy parents and friends, stick to a rehearsed line such as: “We’re sorry, but the venue can only fit X amount of people,” or “We want an intimate wedding with just our closest friends…” or “If we invite any more, we won’t be able to afford to get decent food/drink!” (Always a good one – no one wants to buy all their own drinks at a wedding!)
And if you’re really under pressure, then why not organise a cheaper post-wedding party or night out for all those you couldn’t fit onto your guestlist. If you arrange it at a restaurant or bar, everyone can pay for themselves and you can still get to celebrate with everyone.
